No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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