How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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