How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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