Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
