who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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