omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
