he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
