You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
