so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize