hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The chlamydia really affected his face.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
