mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
