your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
