Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize