So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
