you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize