why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
