Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just want nice things and good sex
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
