I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
