I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
