Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
