your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
