Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
