I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
