That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
