no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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