he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
