there's paper in my vomit.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
