capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
