I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
