$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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