I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
