Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize