OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
