Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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