Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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