i will never coherently bang her
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize