I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
being pregnant is like rehab
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
