I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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