let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
