so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
