this beer tastes like vomit already
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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