i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
