ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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