Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
