I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
it glows. i had to have it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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