You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
