Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
