I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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