Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
