i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
