you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
