I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
