I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
