I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
