his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
