I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he shaved USA in his pubs
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
