Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
