I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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