I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
