He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
