last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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