so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
