at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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