Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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