Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
