its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
