Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
