They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
