Are we in a gay sports bar?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
