i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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