She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
