Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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