It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
