She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
