bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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