I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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