You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
