well I can't set my house on fire every night
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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