If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
